Neglecting to Fix Problems
Either because they think that certain problems can’t be fixed or they simply are quick to accept them, many parents endure months or years of frustration. These common problems might include bedtime battles, frequent night wakings, or temper tantrums and behavior problems in older children.
Although it may take some hard work, most problems that you face as a parent can be worked through and changed or fixed. You may need some help, though. Your baby may not have come with instructions, but there are plenty of books, websites, and people that can help guide you through the challenges of parenting.
Your pediatrician or another healthcare professional can be helpful when you face difficult or persistent problems
Overestimating or Underestimating Problems
Before you try to fix problems, you have to first decide what is and isn’t a problem. Unfortunately, parents sometimes overestimate or underestimate the problems they are facing with their kids.
“Parents who underestimate problems with their children may accidentally miss important information, like if their child is struggling with depression or substance use,” says Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in parenting, maternal mental health, and more. “On the other hand, overestimating usually comes from anxiety and can cause children to feel smothered by parents.”
When parents underestimate problems, they can potentially invalidate their child’s emotions and inadvertently teach them to avoid problems or issues, says Jaclyn Gulotta, PhD, LMHC, a licensed mental health counselor and psychologist who specializes in parenting, family relationships, and child development.
“Parents who overestimate problems or issues are creating learned behaviors to catastrophize and emphasize negative situations,” Dr. Gulotta says.
Having Unrealistic Expectations
If you have unrealistic expectations of what your kids should be doing, you can actually create problems. This often happens when parents get frustrated or impatient with a 2 1/2-year-old who still isn’t interested in potty training, a 6-year-old who is wetting the bed, or a moody teenager. Make sure that your expectations match your child’s developmental level.
“When parents have unrealistic expectations of their kids, it places unrealistic standards of perfectionism,” says Dr. Gulotta. “Most children want to feel accepted, especially by their parents.
“If they feel they will disappoint them by not meeting these unrealistic expectations, they will become stressed and anxious. They may also struggle with low levels of self-esteem and seek validation from negative behaviors,” Dr. Gulotta explains.
According to Dr. Guarnotta, having unrealistic expectations of your children also can cause kids to feel shame if they are unable to live up to those expectations. They also may develop negative beliefs about themselves as not being “good enough.” It can even lead them to develop anxiety.
