Have you ever heard (or said) something like, “Grrrrr, my parents treat me like I’m still 5 years old!”?
As you might imagine (or know from personal experience), it can be very frustrating for anyone to be treated as though they are younger than they actually are.
And, on the flip-side, it can be confusing and alienating to be treated as if you are older than you actually are. (Think: “I can’t believe they expect me to do this? I have no idea how to do this! They’ve left me alone and I’ve got no one to help me…”)
It may seem obvious, but as children and teenagers progress through the different stages of their lives, so must parents and the adults around them adjust their language, their expectations and their disciplinary style.
The stages of parenting
1.Image-making (pregnancy). Parents prepare for the arrival of the baby and, at the same time, begin to form images about how their lives will change, and how they will cope with the responsibilities and challenges of a baby.
2.Nurturing (birth to 18-24 months). Parents form the bonds of attachment and learn to balance the needs of the baby with work, partner, social life, other family and household needs.
Authoritative (2 – 5 years). Parents 3.try to establish boundaries and rules for their children. Rules are often quite black-and-white during this stage to ensure the child’s safety. However, parents should attempt to explain the reasons for different rules and begin to guide their child towards autonomy and the ability to make appropriate choices on their own.
4.Interpretive (5 years –adolescence)
5.Interdependent (during adolescence). This can be a difficult time for both parents and adolescents as the family tries to find a balance between increased freedom and independence for the child and retaining the “final say” of the parent. Disagreements can lead to disputes and there is the added pressure of outside influences. Effective and respectful communication is very important during this stage, not only between the teenager and their mother or father but also for the parents to communicate with each other
6.Departure (late adolescence to adulthood). The departure stage is when the child reaches full or almost complete independence (notwithstanding needing help with paying a bill or two!). It does not necessarily coincide with the young adult physically leaving home. Parents and children can form new roles and begin to communicate on a more equal footing. This can be a sad time for parents as they redefine their identities but can also lead them to rediscover their own individual pursuits.
