We all want to be that approachable parent to whom our children can come with anything, but just how approachable to be is controversial. It can sometimes feel challenging to walk that line between being understanding and trying to be a child’s friend. Our kids depend on us for limits, so trying too hard to be friends will not serve them.
I see many parents make the mistake of imagining that being their child’s friend will make them great parents; nothing could be further from the truth,” explained Ezell. “Children need and crave structure. They will have plenty of friends but only one mom (or dad).”
While all parents will vary in their levels of discipline, it’s important to remain the parent, even when it feels hard or wrong. “Parenting is frequently counterintuitive,” Ezell shared. “Although it does not always feel good to enforce rules or solve your child’s problem, in the long run it’s best for everyone in the family.”
When parents disagree on parenting styles
When you are expecting your first child, your focus is usually on choosing a doctor, managing your pregnancy symptoms, and designing the nursery. This is also the perfect time to check in with your partner about what kind of parents you want to be and make some parenting decisions. Most of us wait until the children are here and often feel shocked when we differ in parenting styles.
Often, couples don’t talk over details of how they will parent a child before getting married. After the birth, parenting styles surface and clash,” President of Growing Leaders Tim Elmore told me. “Take the time (for the sake of your young) to talk over how you were raised, what worked and didn’t work. Then, explore how to balance empathy with discipline.”
Elmore explained that your specific parenting style does not matter as much as the two parents agreeing on the approach. “I believe it matters less how strict or lenient you are with your kids. What matters more is how consistent you are over the years,” explained Elmore. “Kids can get used to strict rules (even if they don’t like them) when caring adults remain steady and offer clear guidelines. This actually creates a secure environment. Even if your partner is unpredictable as they lead, you’ll be seen as reliable.”
