For parents, being self-aware is key for connecting to their kids. When parents aren’t self-aware, they might get caught up in their own emotions instead of being present with their children. They also might not recognize that they’re unconsciously repeating the patterns of their own childhoods in their parenting today.
As Carla Naumburg, Ph.D, writes in her book Parenting in the Present Moment: How to Stay Focused on What Really Matters, “The coping skills and autonomic responses we develop over the years are like the air we breathe. More often than nowe don’t notice that air until it’s choking us.”
For parents, being self-aware is key for connecting to their kids. When parents aren’t self-aware, they might get caught up in their own emotions instead of being present with their children. They also might not recognize that they’re unconsciously repeating the patterns of their own childhoods in their parenting today.
As Carla Naumburg, Ph.D, writes in her book Parenting in the Present Moment: How to Stay Focused on What Really Matters, “The coping skills and autonomic responses we develop over the years are like the air we breathe. More often than not, we don’t notice that air until it’s choking us.”
Self-awareness helps parents make intentional choices. Naumburg notes, “Quite simply, the more self-aware we are, the more likely we are to behave in ways that are congruent with who we want to be and how we want to interact with the people in our lives, including our children.”
Below are tips and insights for developing self-awareness from Naumburg’s candid and wise book.
1. Practice mindfulness.
According to Naumburg, a social worker and author of the Psych Central blog “Mindful Parenting,” the best way to enhance self-awareness is to pay attention to yourself with curiosity and kindness. For instance, she suggests enrolling in a meditation course.
She also suggests readers simply listen. Sit or lie down. Close your eyes, or keep them open. Take several deep, full breaths. Focus your attention on the sounds surrounding you. This might include everything from traffic passing by to birds chirping to the hum of the refrigerator to your own breathing.
When your mind naturally wanders, just bring yourself back to listening to the surrounding sounds.
2. Talk to family members.
Talk to your parents, siblings or other family members who were there when you were young and can share fairly objective insight into your early years, writes Naumburg.
Again, delving into your past experiences helps you better understand your current reactions. In fact, it’s common for parents to react to their own childhoods when they’re with their kids (instead of experiencing their kids in the present moment).
Naumburg stresses the importance of having this conversation with loved ones whom you know will be supportive.
