Loving unconditionally is one of the most important gifts we can receive as children. Moreover, it’s the very best gift we can offer our own children if we become parents.
Why is unconditional love so important? Because it affects so many aspects of mental and physical health. Multiple studies have revealed the positive effects of love, which include
Healthier brain development in childhood
Enhanced ability to forge positive relationships
Greater stress resilience
Stronger immune system.
Moreover, researchers have documented the negative results when children do not receive this type of love. Therefore, evidence shows that unconditional love is one of the most powerful factors in healthy development for children and teens.
Conditional vs. Unconditional Love
When parents accept, love, and show affection to their children, even when they make mistakes or fall short of expectations, this is love unconditional. In other words, it is a form of love with no strings attached. Therefore, parents love their children for who they are, no matter what.
In contrast, conditional parenting gives children the message that they must earn their parents’ love. Therefore, children feel they need to fulfill their parents’ expectations in order to receive their affection and approval. As a result, such children tend to exhibit anxiety and to question whether they are worthy of love, even when they reach adulthood.
True, conditional love and authoritarian parenting sometimes result in higher achievement in children and teens. However, the negative impact of conditional love far outweighs these superficial “benefits.”
A series of studies with college students showed that those who received conditional approval were more likely to act as their parents wanted them to. But, as a result, they tended to resent and dislike their parents. In addition, they often felt ashamed or guilty.
Moreover, these researchers also studied mothers who, as children, sensed that they were loved only when they lived up to their parents’ expectations. Consequently, they now felt less worthy as adults, the study found. Yet, despite their own experience, these mothers were more likely to use conditional affection with their own children. Thus, the cycle of conditional love is perpetuated.
