Parenting can be a real challenge for spouses with different parenting styles. Consider these ideas for a peaceful atmosphere at home
Striving for a united front always is difficult, so let’s first accept this.
Let’s imagine that you have had two hours sleep and just lost your job. How would you react to your 8-year-old spilling his dinner on your new white carpet? Let’s also suppose that your husband won a sizeable amount in a lottery and had 14 hours sleep last night. How would he react to the same spillage?
I would bet money that each parent would react very differently to the same behaviour. So why do we expect parents to present a united front to their children? Do both parents have exactly the same feelings, stresses, expectations and parenting style? They don’t. Parents are not consistent in their behaviour with each other, and they also cannot be expected to present a united front to their children on a consistent basis.
Children can handle different ways of doing things.
My son Scotty was two years old and learnt that when he shopped with daddy, he had to stay in the cart and sit in the little basket. But when he shopped with mommy, he could hang off the cart and run around. He never attempted to get out when he was with daddy, and always tried to do so, with mommy!
If any parent has ever tried to explain to their child the different voice tones expected in different environments, they would know that children can handle different expectations. Church voices, playground voices, inside-the-home voices, and naptime voices all have different volumes. Children can tell the difference and do not get confused when different environments call for a different standard of behaviour.They learn that they can run on the playground, but not inside the church. They can jump on grandma’s sofa because grandma lets them, but not at home. They have to clean up the toys at daycare but they don’t have to do so at daddy’s house, and sometimes have to do so at mommy’s house. Don’t worry that they can become confused. They don’t.
It is okay to agree to disagree.
Instead of a united front, it’s better to create an ‘equal team’. It’s all right to disagree on how things should be handled. There are many right ways to parent and a few wrong ways. Opposing parents can discuss issues and identify the absolute non-negotiable ones in private and then present their agreed upon ones to the children. Ideally, this is what should take place. What usually happens is that there is no prior discussion. Without this, the parent who doesn’t agree, goes along with the other to present a united front to the children
